Breakfast Fairies Revisited

Dad spent the last ten years caring for my mom as she battled Alzheimer's Disease. The last three or four Mom was unable to care for herself and Dad took on the role of serving all of her needs. Morning, noon and night he cared for her. He bathed her. He dressed her. He fed her. His entire life was consumed by the care he gave my Mom. Taking on both the physical and emotional stress and refusing to never once consider raising the white flag and agreeing to put her in a facility.

I can not imagine how he summoned the courage to do it day in and day out. His only breaks were quick jaunts to Austin while my sister Debbie cared for my mom so he could get a few days away. That was his life and I imagine for a lot of people they would have considered it a most miserable existence for both of my parents. Somehow I don't think either of of them felt that way. In fact the lessons in love that were learned if you watched those two over these past few years would soften even the hardest of hearts.

I used to worry that my Dad was alone in his care for my mom. None of us kids live exactly close to Albuquerque where they live. I worried that Dad's almost daily constant push to get mom out of the house was taking a toll on them both physically. After all it would take quite an effort to get mom in and out of a car and into a restaurant.

However I now know it was those quick trips to Starbucks or those lengthy trips to their favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner spots was exactly what was needed. Although it took mom forever to eat a meal (2 hours would not be unheard of), my dad would sit there patiently feeding her one fork or spoonful at time all the while chatting away about this and that - despite no return conversation.

It was during these many times that something incredible happened. Mom and Dad inspired people along the way. Countless people came up to them and offered stories of their own battles with an aging spouse, parent or grandparent. They would shake my dad's hand and offer a gentle pat on Mom's back. They would let him know he was not alone and how lucky my mom was to have such a caring and loving steward at her side.

Rarely a month went by without Dad calling excited to share a story of their meal magically being bought by some stranger. Sometimes the strangers would reveal themselves but more often than not they didn't. Endless numbers of waiters, waitresses and even bus boys would buy my parents dessert with their tip money. Not to mention those restaurant owners and managers that would just end up tearing up their check and telling Dad "Your money is no good here!"

Dad eventually ended up calling these folks his Breakfast Fairies thanks in part to a note that he received after one meal. It read, "caregivers need care too!" signed the Breakfast Fairy.

Yes I was worried my dad was alone in his care for my mom but have since come to realize he never really was.

As I went home for my mom's funeral we went to all of their old eating spots. One by one I watched dad share the news of my mom's passing. Waiters, waitresses, regular customers at more places than I can count gave hugs, told stories of Dad's care for Mom and just how inspired they were by him and mom. It was then I realized these people whom were strangers to most were more than that to my parents; they were family.

I have no idea how many meals along the way were purchased for my parents but it was a lot. I know Dad was at first unnerved by this outpouring of kindness, not exactly knowing how to respond, especially when the Breakfast Fairy preferred to remain anonymous. Eventually he grew comfortable with these gentle but ever so meaningful Ripples offered by others and he soon jumped in becoming a Breakfast Fairy for others himself.

As the days and weeks have passed since Mom's funeral, I know dad has found comfort in going to his old haunts. The outpouring of love and care that people have showed him these past few weeks and ultimately these past few years has to warm and heal his heart. That makes the distance between us almost bearable in my mind.

It doesn't take much to make a indelible impact on someone's life. If you take nothing more from this post than this...know you have the power to make someone feel special and loved. It just may be exactly what they needed to know.

Be a Breakfast Fairy and pick up someone's check next time you are at breakfast, lunch or dinner. The Ripples you create will undoubtedly come back to you!

Heck if we all do it, we may really start something here!

Ripple On!!!

Here are links to a few previous posts on the Breakfast Fairy topic.

http://swotvision.blogspot.com/2007/05/breakfast-fairly-challenge.html

http://swotvision.blogspot.com/2007/05/breakfast-fairy-challenge-part-two.html

http://swotvision.blogspot.com/2007/09/breakfast-fairy-strikes-again.html

Donna Karlin - Guest BLOGGER

Donna Karlin, my good friend and mentor, pinged me a couple of times over this past weekend in regards to my Breakfast Fairy Challenge. She felt some strong synergy between what I was challenging people to do and a cause that she has recently become involved with that she felt my Ripple friends might want to know about. I asked her to be my Guest BLOGGER and share with us all this important Ripple.

Last week at the Conversation With Masters Conference, we launched the Coach Initiative. The mission is “To be the central gathering point where professional Coaches can volunteer their experience and expertise in support of global projects that focus on the betterment of the human condition and uplifting the human spirit. The Coach Initiative holds the value that professional Coaching has the ability to increase both personal and professional effectiveness, contentment and success of committed clients ("coachees").

We made a commitment as a group to donate our time to this initiative, but each and every one of you can do something in some way in your cities and communities to make a difference one kid at a time.

Rick Koca, the founder of StandUp for Kids, spoke to us from the heart, from a place where passion resides…passion and anger that kids have to end up living on the streets because to them it’s better than what they had to live with in their homes.

“Imagine this: you are 13 years old and you don’t know here your parents live. You don’t know where you are going to get your next meal or where you will take your next shower. You do know that you can’t go to sleep tonight because you don’t know what may happen to you when you close your eyes. All you have is hat is on your body and a small backpack of your most prized possessions. This is what over a million kids experience all the time.”

We heard statistics that were shocking that spoke of a way of life, or ‘no life’ as Rick says, that is just plain unacceptable.

Fact: 1.3 – 2.8 million youth are living on the streets each day. If they were all together in one place, that would rank in the top 10 most populated cities in the US.

Fact: 27% of the homeless are children.

Fact: 50% of all homeless children are under the age of 15.

Fact: Almost 50% of homeless children who are school age have observed domestic violence. Many chose to live on the streets because of sexual abuse by a family or household member.

The first question that came to mind was “Why didn’t I know about this?” Once I knew I also knew I had to do something in some way. I started by what I do best…connecting people who are already in positions to make a difference. StandUp for Kids has 30 programs in 19 states. It’s not yet up and running in Canada but we’re still starting to work with powers that be in various positions of power and influence to make a difference starting right now.

I can no longer say “Why didn’t I know about this?” Yes, we can bury our heads in the sand or we can do something in some way. Spread the word. Contact the StandUp for Kids office in your city and ask how you can help. This organization is made up of volunteers.

I made a promised to Rick that I would tell everyone I knew and even those I don’t through the power of the written word. Steve Harper, an amazing man, lives the Ripple. He doesn’t only talk about it which is why he invited me to share this.

If you go to the website you can see how you can help. And each and every one of you can then make a difference one kid at a time.

Thank you for sharing this very important Ripple. There is nothing more worthwhile than saving the life of a kid and how they are living right now is no life at all.

Best…

Donna Karlin

Thanks for an inspiring call to action Donna. I ask all of you to join me in helping spread the word about Stand Up For Kids. My personal and professional tag like is:

Make a Difference. Start to Ripple.

I can't think of a better way to do just that than by answering the call and helping create some very special Ripples for kids that really need them.


Ripple On!!!

Steve Harper

The Breakfast Fairy Challenge - Part Two

Just had to share this great email that I just received from my dad. What amazing timing as it was obvious he not yet seen my BLOG post from yesterday when he decided to take on the challenge and play the role of Breakfast Fairy.

Pretty damn cool!

Just in case your interested...here's a pic of my folks with Josh peeking over Grandma's shoulder.

Hi Steve,

Yesterday morning Mom and I went to Le Chantilly for our favorite Bow Tie pastry and coffee after getting an X-ray for her follow-up appointment with the doctor. Le Chantilly is an informal place -- sometimes they wait on you at the table, often times you have to go to the bakery cases to get any attention. Either way, they just get what you ask for, bring it to the table, and you may not see that person again. No check. So, I was waiting at the register to be noticed by anyone of a group of employees chatting while preparing food or simply chatting, These waits can sometimes be quite long, and this was no exception, And older fellow walked up to join the "wait ritual". He kept looking back to see if his wife was coming as we chatted about the slow service.

His wife obviously had difficulty walking ,,, shuffle steps, much like Mom's were a few year back. I told him that I admired them for getting out and about. We had a minute or two to chat further before an employee finally showed up at the register. I told her what we had ordered, and said I wanted to pay for this couple; meal as well. He was a bit flustered and argued a bit -- he said it was the first time in his 88 years anyone had ever done that.

I shared the "Breakfast Fairy" story and one or two others that had given me the incentive to "pay forward" rather than pay back. I told him Alzheimer's and our determination to stay active was the common thread between the stories. It was no surprise when he told me his wife had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's about four years ago. He said he had been career military, and he thought of her disease as his "last battle". Neat couple that we will look for again.

What could have been a story about poor customer service turned in to a great "pay forward" opportunity -- what a surprise to then read you blog last night.

Love ya ... Dad

The Breakfast Fairy Challenge

For those regular readers of my BLOG you know my dad cares for my mom who is suffering from the later stages of Alzheimer's disease. Despite the obviously challenges of carrying for someone in her condition he still does everything he can to include her in his everyday activities. That includes trips to Starbucks, shopping and to one of their favorite breakfast places in Albuquerque called Wecks.

Dad is a big believer in my Ripple concept. In fact he has been so great at promoting my book that I wish I had done this ten years ago so I could have hired him full-time as my agent when he might have had more time. He really missed his calling! Anyway he is especially sensitive to Ripples when they happen and enjoys sharing the stories of them with me every time they occur.

Despite my mom not being able to carry on a conversation dad makes sure that she never just sits there. He talks to her non-stop and has enough conversation for them both and I truly believe that though this disease has taken its toll on mom she still hears and understands what he is saying to her. Well the intense love and affection that dad shows mom when they are out and about gets attention. To some it might appear sad but to most, I like to believe, it might serve as a tiny bit of inspiration as to just how to be in this world.

It was during one of mom and dad's routine trips to Wecks that this attention and the power of the Ripple collided. It seems that as dad was finishing feeding mom and was looking to settle their tab that the waitress said the bill had been taken care of by the breakfast fairy. I can almost see my dad's expression as the sheer gesture assuredly caused his eyes to water up.

It seems that another couple sitting close to mom and dad asked their waitress to put their breakfast on their ticket and paid for it. There was no grandstanding or fan fare, they just wanted to pay for that tiny bit of inspiration that they had seen exuding from my parents at the next table. It was their way of saying thank you. They left, unfortunately, without saying a word to my folks.

Dad assuredly sat there perplexed by what had occurred but no doubt basking in the after effects of being Rippled.

Since dad shared this story with me they have had several other occurrences of various people doing the very same thing. It is so reassuring to know that the spirit of kindness and recognition is still very much alive and that breakfast fairies apparently run rampant in Albuquerque, New Mexico!

So who could you be the breakfast fairy for this weekend? Who is sitting behind their laptop at Starbucks looking as if they could use a piece of coffee cake. What older couple do you see still hanging together after all these years that might be blown away by having their check taken care of? Look around when you are out today, tonight, this weekend.....who could use a little breakfast fairy Ripple magic?

Talk about an incredible Ripple!

Thank you breakfast fairy for being so kind to my parents. The stories and the Ripples are forever etched in BOTH of their minds and hopefully in those of my readers as well!

If you find inspiration in this do me a favor....don't just read it. Do something with it. Be a breakfast fairy, Ripple On, this blog post and let's see if we can drum up a lot of breakfast fairy appearance this weekend! What do you say?

Ripple On!!!

Steve Harper


P.S. Do you have a Breakfast Fairy story? Or perhaps you create one this weekend....Please share it with us! Your submission may just end up as an inclusion in my next book!!!