Friday, April 06, 2007

Easter Bunny Gets Suspension


The World Easter Egg Association announced today that the Easter Bunny who's real name is Aphinius Fuributt was officially suspended and banned from participating in any Easter Sunday activities. Details are sketchy but my crack team of Ripple Reporters went underground and have uncovered some incredibly shocking charges alleged against Easter Bunny.

White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland fame shared with us under the condition of complete anonymity that "Easter Bunny had recently been caught partying with the former Miss Nevada Katie Rees. Pictures of their alleged incident have been spotted on the Internet and let's just say it isn't pretty! Fur and hair are everywhere! This very well may be the end of Easter Bunny as we know it!" Calls to the Donald Trump Furry Dollar Division, the owner of the World Easter Egg Association and the Miss USA Pageant have gone unreturned.

Brer Rabbit most notable for his portrayal in children's stories in recent years had a totally different perspective. According to Brer Rabbit Easter Bunny had been linked to Britney Spears and the W.E.E.A. has learned that the DNA test has officially linked EB as the father of Britney's two adorable rabbits, Druggie and Rehab.

Rosie Rabbit the annoying host of The View in a telephone interview between feedings was quoted as saying that her sources have told her that EB was responsible for Global Warming. There are unconfirmed reports that Barbara Wabbit, the host of The View and part owner of the show is likely to fire Rosie on Monday.

Al Gorbbit couldn't help but get on the Rosie bandwagon and blamed EB was the reason the planet "has a fever." Gorbbit told our reporter that "You see it's really quite simple. Easter eggs are plastic. Plastic is bad. Easter Bunny delivers to our innocent children then those children rip them in pursuit of the yummy treats inside and millions upon millions of little plastic eggs end up in the landfill. So you see Easter Bunny is responsible our planet is going to burn up. I say lynch the no good fury son of a rabbit!" Gorbbit was so incensed that he had to be whisked away in his carbon spewing private jet.

Honey Rabbi
t who has been reportedly linked to Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse and most recently EB came to her lover's defense. "You see all the reports out there are simply false. This is all a big misunderstanding. You see EB was trying out for American Idol and was attacked by a drug crazed Paula Abdouabit. EB missed a critical planning team planning session but I am here to tell you that it was not his fault. He should be reinstated immediately. EB is very upset and has hired the law firm of Forget the Stick Give Me The Carrot and lead counsel F. Lee Baileyit is considering legal options against the W.E.E.A. and Ms. psycho fur Paula Abdouabit."

Bugs Bunny
who we caught at home had this to say about all the rawkus, "Mmmmm what's up EB? You have the cushiest job in the world spreading joy to children all over the world one day out of the fricken year and yet somehow manage to muck that up. You are a disgrace I tell you! You are miserable excuse for a hare! You should have my life. I am on television seventy-five times a day working my white oversized feet to the bone and yet you, you little dweeb...the kids love you! They have always loved you!"

BREAKING NEWS........

Bugs Bunny has apparently shaved his head, gotten a tattoo and has admitted himself in and out of rehab six times in the last hour all due to the stress of EB being liked more than him. Stay tuned for more details.

BACK TO YOUR REGULAR BLOG REPORT

W.E.E.A. just moments ago had this to say....

"This situation with EB is certainly unfortunate. However, I want to assure the children of this fine country that we have located a suitable replacement. Someone that despite having his own holiday has largely been ignored. He has graciously agreed to step in and take the basket. Mortimer the often unrecognized mascot of Great Aunts Day (GAD) will step in to help make sure no eggs go undelivered. This is a temporary replacement but if Mortimer aka GAD MAN works out, we may look to replace EB permanently. Until such time, please go about your business and have a very Happy Easter!"

Well our team of crack Ripplers will stay on this case and report any new developments as they happen but we have just uncovered this shocking new video which may explain a lot!!!

Evil Easter Bunny Videocrazy video


Have a Happy Easter...GAD Day!!!


Ripple On!!!

Steve Harper

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy Mother of all things Holy....that is so funny I nearly soiled myself. What an Easter suprise!

Crystal

Drew McLellan said...

ROFL -- you are a twisted sister!

Anonymous said...

I swear every single time you suprise me. You leave me dying to see what you will do next and I love it.

Your BLOG is my absolute favorite. I swear you should be finding some way to get paid for this. I mean I know other people are getting paid for their BLOGS....why not you?

Some funny shit Harper!!!!


T. Wayne Gipon
London, England
by way of Colorado

Terri said...

A fine example of your ocassional crazy, busting-outness!

Donna Karlin said...

You really are a one of a kinder and no...we're not going to go into the 'other' Stephen Harper!

You forgot one very important rabbit and his name was Harvey the 6'1.5" rabbit. I watched that movie more times than I can remember growing up (OK so I'm dating myself) and every time it gives me a smile to think of Jimmy Stewart and his invisible rabbit Harvey. Thanks for the laughter and the memories this blog brought to mind.

Have a wonderful easter!
DK

Anonymous said...

This was so funny. I didn't think you could possibly top your one for Groundhog day but you certainly gave it hell.

Johnson

BillyWarhol said...

LOLLLLLLLL

too Funny*

i had my $$$ riding on Zsa Zsa Gabor's hubby the Count being the Daddy!!!

never wouldda guessed the Easter Bunny was behind this*

;))

Lyn said...

That is great! Excellent and funny! Loved it toooooooo much!

Anonymous said...

Damn Harper you really should write this stuff for a living. I love it when you bust out with one of these funny ones!

Clint Neuman
Los Angeles, CA