Fly Fishing Leads To Better Connecting

So during my vacation I got the opportunity to do a lot of fly fishing. I must first say that I am not an experienced fly fisherman. However having done it a few times over the past few years I have grown to love the sport and have gotten myself proficient enough that I can catch more fish than I lose.

There is something quite majestic and magical about the process. It is quite different from what I normally do which is bass fish. There's a completely different technique, approach and attitude that comes with fly fishing. Aside from the actual process of catching fish I find that sitting in a river and listening to the natural beat of the pulsating water actually has to be one of the most relaxing things I have ever done.

While standing in a stream in Colorado last week soaking in the incredible scenery, sounds and rhythm of a perfect mountain day something happened. I began to realize how similar the technique and approach I was taking to casting my fly out into the oncoming stream was to actually connecting with someone new. The analogous processes struck me as so incredibly similar, I just had to share.

To fly fish well you have to be willing to put yourself out there in the river with the fish. The water is often rough, cold and you constantly have to pay attention to your footing otherwise you might lose your balance and go for a rather unpleasant swim. The same rules apply when looking to make new connections. You have to be aware of your environment and be willing to put yourself in the position to make the right connections. Similar to fishing I think connecting requires a good bit of balance as well; balance in understanding who you are and what it takes to encourage people to want to get to know you.

Not only do you have to be out in the water but you have to gracefully move upstream. You have to navigate the oncoming water and river slick rocks to constantly move yourself forward to new spots to cast your line. Bad fisherman are often too aggressive as they move upstream. They splash, make noise, walk heavy and ultimately scare the fish off. Similarly to connecting I think one needs to constantly be willing to step forward and be open enough to look for new people to connect with whenever or wherever they may be. Whether it be at Starbucks, your son's soccer game, church, the neighborhood BBQ or the chamber luncheon. And of course like with fishing you can't walk up to a complete strange with an attitude of aggressiveness or arrogance lest they will swim away right before your very eyes.

Fly fishing is a graceful sport that requires the right preparation and equipment before you step foot into the river. A fly fisherman has to have a wide variety of flies to offer the potential fish because often times the fisherman won't know what might attract the fish until he or she is already in the thick of the river. That takes planning, preparation and a keen sense of awareness of what is working and what is not. Just like with connecting with someone new. You need to be prepared to engage people in a manner that makes them want to hear more of what you have to say. You have to have know what attracts people and keeps them engaged. You have to know that if something isn't working that you need to try something else. This takes practice and constant refinement but like with fishing it is an art form.

So you have moved up stream and found a good spot. You have the right fly on the end of your line. You have the right technique and presentation to perfectly lay that fly just upstream and you watch as it peacefully floats on of the bubbly surface. THEN WHAM - a fish hits! This is when the adrenaline starts pumping and in that split second you have to react and hook the fish. Fly fishing is such that the line where the fly is attached is very delicate. Be too aggressive in setting the hook and you will pull the fly out of the fish's mouth or worse...break your line. There is a real finesse to hooking the fish and playing it back to you. You have to be patient and mindful of the fish's pride. Some fish fight harder than others and it takes a certain calmness and fortitude to turn all your focus and attention to the fish and let the situation play out. But if you show the fish the respect it deserves eventually it calms down and you can slowly begin to pull the fish towards you. If done right the results will be so worth it.

Networking, connection or simply engaging people in general is very similar. Once you have their attention it is important to take your time and don't rush things. No one cares what you do, what you sell or if you need a job or not. People will follow their urge to dart upstream when your objectives are your primary focus. You have to put your time, energy, attention and focus on them period! Connecting is a delicate game and rushing to force feed a connection a business card, sales pitch or whatever will result in a broken line of connection every time.

Just like with your fish, you have to let things play out. You have to show your connection the respect he or she deserves. You do that by demonstrating a genuine interest in learning about them and who they are as a person first. You take your time and ask engaging and insightful questions (Ripple Connection Questions) and if done right the results will so be worth it.

The river is flowing and there are lots of fish out there. How many are you preparing to catch?

I have an extra set of waders so come on in the water is perfect!

Alone In a Crowd

Do you ever feel alone in a crowd? I know that I sure do. In going to some SXSW Interactive Conference festivities yesterday, I know that found myself feeling lost in a sea of people and I was the odd man out having forgot my "fitting in" life vest. But then I remembered, I knew how to swim without it.

I literally had to remind myself that a new connection is likely never to be made unless I personally do something about it. That meant that I knew I needed to consciously pull myself out of my naturally introverted shell and make an effort. Otherwise the sea of people, the crashing waves of conversation and the turbulent energy of all the goings on around me would leave me stranded on the beach of "loneliness and could have been."

Easier said that done right?

Heck I wrote an entire book on this stuff and I still find myself wanting to retreat into my shell when faced with hoards of people I don't know. Connecting can be at times....scary. But people, trust me when I say....it is so worth it.

They say the first step to recovery is to first recognize that you have a problem; then do something about it. For me that meant reminding myself nothing happens in a vacuum - you need to connect with others in order for something cool, good, profitable (take your pick on description here) on happening. I anchored myself with both a deep breath, remembered to smile, opened my mouth and simply started talking to people. And you know what? Once I made that first connection that connection introduced me to someone else, then I met someone else and so my afternoon went. Until I had met more people than I could remember and found myself smiling inwardly as I recognized I was no longer alone in a crowd and my dog paddle was replaced with a comfortable buoyancy that allowed me to float seamlessly amongst the sea of people.

It felt good.

So whether you are at SXSW, attending that Chamber of Commerce Luncheon (watch out for the powdered eggs and rubber chicken!) or simply meandering your way over to the company coffee pot...reach out and connect with someone today. You might just find that like me, you no longer are alone in a crowd but part of it. And who knows what that might just bring to you.

Ripple On!!!

Shyness

I presented the Ripple to the Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers this past weekend in Philadelphia. It was a fun group and despite the early hour on a Saturday morning still managed to have some incredible energy and enthusiasm for what I had to say and show them. They really embraced the concept and despite some initial trepidation in the uniqueness of the format (after all it was a room full of very smart and engineers who are used to being in control), Rippled their way to some fantastic connections. Based on the incredible feedback I received at the end of my presentation it continues to prove the Ripple works in any environment, for any audience and at any hour!

One question that came up as people left the session was worth sharing. A young man from Boeing approached me and asked me how to overcome being really, really shy. It was a great question and one that, believe it or not, I struggle with myself. You see, I am very shy myself and always have been.

Fortunately for me I learned fairly early in my adult life that shyness was a crutch and that crutch could turn into a full blow disability if I didn’t do something about it. I realized that being a shy kid was sort of cute and got me noticed but as I grew up and became an adult my shyness was no longer getting me noticed, it was getting me ignored. Bottom line I knew if I was ever going to achieve anything in life I had to overcome my shyness and get out there and announce to the world “I am here and you want to know me!”

My advice to this young man was simple: do something….anything to get an upper-hand on his shyness. For him to make the right kinds of connections and get himself noticed it is critical for him to take proactive steps to battling this very large but beatable beast. I suggested he force himself to look for opportunities to practice overcoming his shyness by getting to know the people he works with better. Work is a perfect test laboratory for us all to try getting better at engaging and connecting. I told him to start by saying “hi” to people that he wouldn’t ordinarily engage in conversation. Start small and start looking for those connection points by asking good engagement questions. The more he learns about the people he works with the easier it will be to engage them in ongoing future conversation. This simple act of saying something, anything to people he sees but doesn’t know well, will help him gain confidence and become more comfortable and yes….less shy.

I am no pop psychologist and in fact I can honestly say that I write and speak about what I know and what has worked for me; it might not work for everyone. But as I told this young man, shyness could have kept me as a lonely little insignificant worker bee but I refused to let it define me. Because I overcame my shyness I have managed to accomplish so much more in life and actually play in the game rather than watch it from the sidelines.

I hope that young man is walking the halls of Boeing this morning and deciding to get into the game as well.

Never Stop Casting

I love bass fishing. In fact if I could do just about anything on any given day it would likely be out slinging some bait into the water hoping some big bass comes a swimming by and decides it's his or her (I am an equal opportunity fish catcher ya know) time to bite.

Nothing is more thrilling than when you see a bass surge out of the water to attack whatever you have offer it. The power and shear force from which it strikes is one of the surest ways to get the old heart pumping. It's pure joy when you can successfully hook the fish and boat it. It is truly one of my sincere passions and due to my crazy schedule I don't get to do it nearly enough unfortunately.

While running this morning I was thinking what an amazing morning it would be to be out on the lake casting. My bait hitting the water just begging for a fish to come get it and the thrill I would feel when it did. I know I smiled to myself as I saw in my minds eye the look on my face as that fish strikes. Then out of no where somehow my train of thought switched to connections and that same smile but rather than holding a fish....I was holding the hand of someone I really wanted and needed to meet. Don't ask me why....exercise makes me think of some pretty wacky stuff but stick with me for a minute.

When you are looking to make the kinds of connections you want to make for your personal and professional life it is very much like fishing. You have to put yourself in the right spot to meet (errr catch) the people you really want to meet. And NO I am not suggesting you go to the latest networking lunch to do it. Cast the only bait you have: your smile, your energy, your presence, your interesting way of starting a conversation. Cast yourself out there with the people at the mall, waiting for the hostess to seat them at the restaurant at lunch, or (I'll say it again as if you haven't heard it a million times) standing in line at Starbucks. Where ever you find yourself find yourself casting.

Like with bass fishing, you have to constantly be testing new spots on the lake or river and of course you make a lot more casts that result in no fish but that's okay! In order to catch something, anything you have to keep casting. Building your community of connections is very much the same way. Never stop casting and always be looking for the right fishing spot and cast yourself out there.

The hook is you! The value you bring to this life is certainly undeniable and people will see that when you make the effort. The smile, the great way you go about being you is like the best colored worm to a bass....it will attract them...lots of them. You my friend will undoubtedly land that big catch that could forever change your life but you must never ever stop casting.

In the sea of people, there are those who are right now hungry for what you have to offer them.

Go cast!

(No fish were harmed in the making of this BLOG)

Ripple On!!!

Steve

P.S. Are you in Austin and want to talk life or career strategy, business development, or simply need another set of ears on an idea? Well fall is in the air and the weather is finally cooling down so why not take advantage and have a meeting where you probably least expect it....my boat! I am scheduling half and full day strategy sessions right now. Come on...get out of the office, do a little work, drown some baits and walk away with a completely different perspective on whatever it is you need help with!