The Networking Booty Call

I am sure you've experienced it too....the networking booty call.

That random email from a long lost contact which says, "Hey long time no talk.  Just wanting to get back in touch."  Or that out of no where LinkedIn request (that they didn't even bother to change the stock language stating "I'd really like to add you to my professional network."  Or worse yet, that random number that shows up on your cell which you try not to answer but you do (because the curiosity gets the better of you) and suddenly you find yourself stuck having a conversation with someone who you really don't want to be talking to.

They all start the same way.  A casual reconnection where they dance around with their hand on your ass waiting to make their move.  It starts with that ideal chit chat (the dance) with questions about what's been going on in your life (as if they really care - unless of course you've suddenly won the lottery then trust me they are all interested) and that fake ask about how your family has been.  "Is Sally still taking dance lessons?"  Hmm no I don't have a daughter (you dumb ass), but my son Zach is in soccer thank you very much!

The ideal chit chat suddenly takes a dramatic turn to the serious (watch out for their tongue in your ear) when the real intent of their reconnection to you is unveiled.  It usually begins with, "I've recently decided to take some time off." Which means they were fired and need a job and you are the only person in the world who can help them.  Or the "I see your connected to so and so through LinkedIn, do you mind connecting me to her?" The silent but deadly translation is I need to sell something which also means they are going to wart the crap out of your contact so much so that your connection will actually consider buying a mail order Voodoo Doll to pay you back in spades for your faux pas.  Or that horrible, "I'm involved with XYX organization which helps Bohemian Hamsters get rescued before their skin and teeth are stripped from their writhing bodies to make dental floss.  You use dental floss don't you? Is it made with 'Quanambi flavoring?' then you are helping these greedy corporations.  But have no fear you can repent with a small donation (funny how money makes most sins go away isn't it?) and a promise to stalk your friends and family for the same you can atone for your crimes against these poor defenseless hairballs."

Now I realize that some people fall of your radar.  It's inevitable, especially with the more connections you make and the more relationships you develop. Regardless of how hard you try some people simply will fall through the cracks.  You shouldn't feel bad for it.  You also shouldn't feel bad that you find yourself not wanting to help someone you aren't that close to either.  Honestly if they cared about you and their connection to you they should have never felt comfortable picking up the phone, showing up on your doorstep or penning you a Dear John email asking for something!

Networking booty calls happen all the time.  Hell I've gotten two this week alone and it's only Wednesday.  It's important to keep in mind that this person's world doesn't depend on you - despite what they may say in the moment.  If it did, they would have invested more of themselves into building a stronger connection to you so that you would be available to help them when they truly needed it.  The bottom line is to remember, desperate, socially inept people are the ones who suddenly show up acting like your best friend when they are anything but.  They simply want something from you and in my opinion that just isn't cool.

Don't fall for the drive by networking booty call.  Hit delete or let it go to voice mail and spend your time building connections to those who would never think of doing such a thing.

Ripple On!!!