Cover of Mrs. Doubtfire [Blu-ray]So I've been compiling a list of things that I've noticed about myself as I get a bit older. I wonder if some of you might have had similar thoughts or experiences.
1. I've always wanted sideburns but can't grow them. It ticks me off because even my boys have them and they look like little studs. I am jealous of a six and eleven year old. That's can't be right.
2. I can't grow sideburns but now as I approach forty I am growing hear in places that I shouldn't be growing hair. WTH?
3. I also can't grow a full mustache or beard. This really irks me. I'm tired of people saying you have some dirt on your face after a month of trying to grow a goetee. What's worse is I usually just say, "Oh thanks for letting me know" and scurry back home to shave as the sober tune of taps plays in the distance.
3. I groan in the morning when I get up out of bed. Where does this sound come from? I remember my grandpa doing it and most recently I heard my dad make that sound when he was visiting. I suddenly groan for no apparent reason and this concerns me.
4. I now look at playing sports with my boys with a skeptical eye. How hard am I willing to play is directly proportionate to the level of stiffness I will allow myself to tolerate the next morning.
5. I play tennis and I am trying to get back into competitive shape to maybe play some tournaments. Giri, the guy I play against every Saturday morning likes to run me from side to side like a beat mule. He ran me so hard last summer that I actually pulled a muscle in one of my butt cheeks. Who knew there were muscles one could pull in a butt cheek! It still hurts and I can't sit for very long on an airplane - thanks Giri! Maybe I should have stayed retired.
6. We have a easy listening station here in Austin. I totally used to give my parents crap over listening to that kind of stuff when I was a kid. Now my kids are returning the favor. What's worse...how in the hell did Aerosmith ever end up on the easy listening station? That is so wrong.
7. I used to be cool dad. My kids were proud of me when I would walk them into school, holding hands and talking about all the fun they were going to have that day. Their little hugs and kisses "Goodbye Daddy." Now if I walk them in I am lucky if they'll even give me a lean - no more warm hugs and great kisses. Just "later" as they scurry away from me like I'm somehow carrying the cheese toast cooties or the old person plague. Maybe this is why some species eat their young?
8. I used to not listen to my wife on purpose. I always went with the philosophy that if it were important she would tell me more than twice. But suddenly I am finding she's told me something pretty important and I have no recollection of even ignoring her the first time. So now I write down the important crap I'm supposed to pay attention. Problem is I keep misplacing that piece of paper.
9. I can no longer party like a rock star. A night out drinking with the boys used to be no problem. I would pop out of bed at 5AM and head off to work. Now if I have more than a few beers I find myself needing days, not hours to recover and the aforementioned groans are way worse on those mornings! How did that happen?
10. I find that if I take any kind of sleep aide like Tylenol PM I wake up the next morning speaking like Mrs. Doubtfire. Seriously....I am suddenly an Irish grandmother "deary!"
11. I am a gamer. Dude seriously I am a hard core gamer going all the way back to Pong and the first Atari system. There were books and talk of a feature film being produced about my mad skills! (The fact that I just said mad skills will horrify my oldest son.) Anyway, now my sons, yes both of them, beat me regularly on Madden Football. I suppose that fantasy of one day being recognized my John Madden as the best all-time Madden Playstation 3 Champion is over.
12. I love to sing in the car. I will admit it I do have a tendency to get carried away, pretending my steering wheel overlooks a stage of thousands of adoring fans pointing, cheering and chanting my name. I pulled up to the light the other day and was bopping to a killer John Mellencamp tune when suddenly I looked over at a car load of teenage girls...they were pointing alright....an laughing their asses off at the old dude.
I guess life has a way of changing. Clearly in my case sometimes not for the better!
Actually I am just kidding....I love the way my life is and I wouldn't change a thing. Well maybe the sideburns because I would look so cool with sideburns. So 90210!