Tuesday, March 02, 2010

I'm Not The Canadian Prime Minister

I was disappointed like a lot of Americans that the our U.S. Men's Hockey Team fell to Canada in the gold medal game.  It was a hard fought game and had it not been for Canada scoring more goals than us, we would undoubtedly be wearing the gold instead of the silver.

I was bummed for our guys but was thrilled for Canada because let's face it...it's winter in Canada and what else do they have to be happy about?  Plus it took them two games to beat us technically as we spanked them like a red headed step child in the early rounds. 

However I never anticipated what would occur during and after Sunday's game.  You see Canada's Prime Minister's name is Stephen Harper - the name I also have.  Well Canada Steve apparently made a bet with our President Obama over the game.  If Canada won Obama promised to send a case of Yuengling beer and Harper promised if the U.S. won to send a case of Molson.  The fact that Obama agreed to accept Molson should concern us about the leadership we have in Washington but I digress.

Anyway during the game I started receiving texts from what appeared to be a Washington number.  They said:

"Ha ha ha told you Harper we were gonna get ya sucka!  Your players skate like sissies!"

"Ouch I bet you could feel that all the way in your Canadian castle."

"Harper say it with me...USA! USA! USA!"

"Hey Harp - when do you find time to write books?  I like this title The Ripple Effect."

"Hey Stephen....did your parents not know how to spell?  Steven is the right spelling isn't it."

"Heck Michelle is even here laughing at how bad we are schooling you guys.  She said she could skate better which is saying something the girl's got enormous feet!"

"My daughters want to know how they try out for your country's hockey team.  They think, and I agree, they are tougher."

"Oprah's over here and Stedman.  They are dancing and carrying on like we're throwing a house party up in here.  Man she gets excited when we score.  Maybe a little too excited if you ask me!"

"Hey when we win don't send that Molson crap to me.  I'm going to have you ship it to Dick Cheney.  He's in the hospital so I am going to have you send it there.  His wife drinks ya know?"

"Hey so what do you guys watch when the country isn't watching hockey? Competitive ice fishing?"

"Overtime here we come.  We just want to extend this butt kicking a little bit longer?"

"Hey seriously when we win could you ship me Bob & Doug McKenzie instead?"

"Dude...USA! USA! USA!"

Then the tone changed...rather dramatically.

"Ummm yeah so Prime Minister Harper...It was a hard fought battle.  Both teams played extremely well and your guys deserve a lot of credit.  I congratulate you kind sir.  I just sent Michelle out to the store to grab a case of beer.  She'll drop it by UPS tomorrow."

"Hey Steve, Bush told me I could call you that, do mind not telling anyone about my texts.  You see the other world leaders get real jealous when I start texting "other people."  You Da' Man!"

"You the man now dawg!  Good game."

"Mr. Prime Minister....why don't you ever text me back?"

"Hey are you ignoring me?  Seriously dude...I said congratulations and all.  Don't have to be gloating too much not to respond."

"Seriously man I am wearing out my super secret 007 style Blackberry texting you....the least you could do is text me back."

"Listen man if you don't congratulate me and my team I am going to come up there to whatever snowbound hideway you are at and kick the Molson right out of you."

"Moose man you better watch out because Obamasan is going to whip you like the Karate Kid did that one dude in the third movie!"

"Ummm just to be sure....this IS Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's phone right?"

"Wait this looks like a Texas number.  Maybe not.  I don't know.  This is the number Donald Rumsfield gave me.  He said it was your private line. Hope he wasn't playing a joke on me."

"Prime Minister Harper?  You there?"

Yesterday the secret service showed up and took my iPhone.   It was a real bummer too because Bill O'Reily had just called.

Ripple On and Go USA!!!


Donna Karlin said...

Are you serious? You really got all those messages? Both teams played really well. I was very impressed by both sides. As for the OTHER Stephen Harper, hey Steve no one could ever mistake you for him. The difference is night and day. Case in point, to be at the closing ceremonies and sit there pretty much emotionless when the rest of the country was on their feet celebrating the Games is telling in itself. If you could infuse him with some of your insights and warmth, our whole country would really appreciate it!

Anonymous said...

Oh honey you are too funny! I've gotta meet you while I am in town for SXSW. I'll be here through next weekend so hopefully you'll be back. Gotta meet the man that puts these witty posts up!

Your fan from NYC!