Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Write Off The Wankers

Dick (not his real name) only called me when he really needed something.  It might be a favor.  It might be a connection.  It might be to grab an at a boy pat on the back as he gushed on and on about some big deal he had just landed or his latest venture.

Dick was a taker. 

Dick wanted nothing but to take my time and expertise which at first I was willing to give him.  He was a nice guy - a little full of himself - but someone I could see was clearly in need of a supportive friend (he had none that I am aware of).  So being a good Rippler that's exactly what I gave him - friendship, support, advice - whatever he needed whenever he need it.

But as time went on something began to change in Dick.  Dick taker became more of a Dick demander.

Gaining unabated access to me became less and less convenient as my schedule grew up more and more full.  His spontaneous requests to grab a coffee or beer "to pick my brain" were no longer always convenient for me and this angered Dick.  An angry Dick is not something you want to see my friends let me tell you!

He began putting me down and claiming I was not really a friend.   He claimed that I had become too full of myself that I made little time for him when he most needed it.  He could not believe that I was now so difficult to deal with.

Dick was being a real.......


In life we run into takers, users and the occasional Dick aka wanker.  In our quest to be better connectors, better friends, grow stronger relationships and be good Ripplers we will inevitably encounter those people who take, expect and demand something from us.  The important thing to remember is that in most good relationships there is a certain amount of give and take.  I often tell people that if a relationship is worth building then pack a lunch because in today's world you will likely be doing the majority of the building yourself - at least at first.  That is until someone realizes just how special and lucky they are to have you in their life and then something magical happens, the effort, the work, the relationship building starts to be reciprocated.  And then you're off to the races.

But when you don't see any of your efforts being reciprocated that's when it's time to start wacking the wankers from your life.  Get rid of those time and resource sappers and start making room for those people who will appreciate you for who you are and what they can learn and experience by just knowing you.  It's amazing but when you clean out the wankers how many amazing people magically start appearing to take their spot. 

I had to cut Dick off completely - oh I know it sounds pretty harsh but had to do it!  I was polite and gave him a detailed explanation in a Dear Wanker letter (actually email) to which he never responded.   It felt good to get it all off my chest and though it was probably hard to read, it was something that needed to be said, and I just hope Dick learned something from it.

Take it from me...write off the wankers in your life.  Life's too short to spend your time with people who act like Dick.


Anonymous said...

Dude I love your BLOG! You always find a way to bring some offbeat look and humor into a much larger point. Love this one and plan to share it with a few of my colleagues who won't cut the wankers out of their life. Sorry couldn't resist.

Hey if the Ripple man says it's okay then it's okay!

Cheers Ripple Man and keep Rippling.


Lisa said...

My friend Scott just told me about your BLOG. Great stuff. Look forward to reading some of your other posts.

Lisa G.

Anonymous said...

Classic Steve!

Do I know Dick? I think I do.

Ripple On Dude!


Steve Harper aka Mr. Ripple said...

Thanks for the comment Scott. Appreciated the DM on Twitter too!

Lisa glad to know you!

Sue - the famous Sue? Where did your BLOG go? Ping me sometime.

Ripple On Guys!

Carlon said...

Shedding the wankers is tough to do. I found that by making myself scarce for most people, I was able to do it.

Some people think you're being a jerk, but the way I see it, I was able to make more time for my friends. The trade-off is SOOO worth it.

CJ said...

Dick, meet Jane.

I had a friend a few years ago who was not EXACTLY like Dick, but same kinda thing. It was about her, and there wasn't much room for me.

We'll call her Jane.

When we got on the phone, we'd stay on for a long time...as long as we were talking about her. When the conversation turned to me? Her husband wanted her to get off the phone, her kids were asking for something, she had things to do.

Granted, she was FAR more interesting than I, but still, yano?

Then, I had a small success that I was big time excited about. I called to share. Instead of hearing anything in the neighborhood of "Wow, that's really great!" I heard a belittling response about how she got paid far more for doing the same thing for larger organizations, than what I was about to be paid by this inconsequential small-time one. Plus, they didn't know a good thing when they saw it because they hadn't given HER the time of day!

That was really the end of our friendship as far as I was concerned, although it took her about 6 months to even realize I'd left. In the end, I had to flat out say this wasn't a good idea anymore. It was complicated for other reasons, so it took me awhile to detangle.

It was sad, but life is so very short.

The Dicks and Janes are gifts for us, too, though.

I hadn't really had a girlfriend I talked to regularly for a long time and I realized, by having that friendship with her, how much I liked it, even though she was the wrong friend for me.

My friendship with her made me reach out for other friendships, and THOSE friendships have made a stunning difference in my life over the past few years.

I learned to appreciate the ones who truly care. When you DO have good friends, it's a treasure indeed!

Life is too short to spend even a moment w/Dick and Jane.

Thanx for always posting thought-provoking blogs. And for always being our friends (when we're not named Dick. :)