Friday, February 02, 2007

Hooray For Groundhog Day!!!


This day comes only once a year and I have to tell you the excitement and anticipation we as Americans feel for Groundhog Day can only be closely compared to that of Arbor Day or the more deeply entrenched Hang Nail Day. But alas, today is Groundhog's Day and we stand loud and proud as we celebrate this day of infamous honor and deep furry history.

We all have our unique rituals and our own "special" way of celebrating this glorious day. My day will be filled with going door to door wishing my neighbors a Happy Ground Hog day and then it will be off to the annual Groundhog Day Parade (which I hope is better attended than last year) followed by the neighborhood BBQ. Of course no Groundhog Day would be complete without of course proudly wearing my official Groundhog fuzzy undergarments! I live for this day!

I have often wondered why Punxsutawney Phil gets all of the attention on this day that was obviously meant to celebrate all Groundhogs throughout the world. I sent my crack team of investigative reports out to gain some perspective from Phil's "neck of the woods." Here are some of the comments from Phil's furry brethren.

Chip Hog- "I have to be honest with you, Phil and I no longer speak. Once he got a website I swear the guy just got too big for his paws. And when he started getting those Chicklets whitened, that was it for me."

Miller Hog - "Phil is funnier than a bucket of walnuts. I am happy he gets to represent us on such a glorious day. I just wish they would actually let him speak and you my friend would hear some of the funniest stuff you have heard in a long time."

Sweaty Hog - "Phil and I used to be friends. Good friends. We used to go up on Brokeback Mountain and do a little camping. But something came over Phil when he was up there. He turned into an animal and when this thing came over us, well, we just couldn't let that get out as the other 'hogs wouldn't understand ya know. I do miss him and I think about him everyday."

Kelly Hog - "Phil and I used to live together. But fame got to his head and he took up with Britney Spearhog down near the trailer park and I just couldn't take it anymore. He thinks he is all that but she will realize he ain't the hog she thinks he is."

Don Hog - "We all laugh at Phil. Seriously! 364 days out of the year that guy comes busting out of his hole expecting to see all this hoopla and what does he find? Nothing! It is classic. We all gather near the briar tree every morning to watch and giggle. The guy is all ego."

Emeril Hog - "We love all the attention the area gets this time of year. I mean I love waking up to fireworks in the morning BAM! Talk about getting the old ticker going. I just wish people wouldn't bring their kids to these events. Someone is gonna stick their finger in the wrong hole ya know and get it taken off. I mean this looks like a great area but we have some rift raft that has moved in over the past couple of years and some kid is gonna get hurt."

Richard Hog - "Phil is a close friend I am happy to say. But six months ago, Phil was going through some things and was eating a lot. Heck he could barely get through his door it was so bad. We had to get him on a steady diet of greens and of course I worked his hairy little butt off to my "Sweatin to the Mole" and he dropped 4 ounces. He looks like a whole new Groundhog today."

Hillary Hog - "You know I voted for Phil but now I am campaigning to be his replacement. I mean Phil needs to go. Look at me, I am furrier than he is, I have bigger teeth and I have my husband backing me, when he isn't at the local strip bar. Yep I believe the country is ready for a female hog and let me tell you I am the right hog to represent this country. So I am in to win."

Bush Hog - "I like Phil. He is an upstanding American and represents this magical holiday and all is granuure spertacularily. He is also a great asset to our war on taarrreer. He has his ear to the ground a lot and we thank him for his loyalty to our country. I know his fellow groundhogs appreciate what he has done for us." (Yes we spelled it like he spoke it!)

Anna Hog - "I refuse to answer any more questions on Phil. I mean I like the guy but he is not the father of my hog."

Well opinions vary on old Phil but no matter how you slice it, enjoy this celebrated day. I know I sure will. Though my thighs are starting to chafe.

Go create some Groundhog inspired Ripples!!!!

Ripple On!

Steve

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is hysterical!

Joel

Granny miller said...

Steve -
Those other groundhogs are just pulling your chain and trying for media attention.
It's a cheap shot.

Sounds to me like nothing but a pack of flea bit rodents with a bad case of sour grapes and butt mange. That bunch is just trying to impress you folks in Texas.
Don't believe a word of it.

Here in western Pennsylvania Phil is a demi-god.
What he says goes.
Happy Groundhog's Day!

Granny Miller said...

Steve -
Those other groundhogs are just pulling your chain and trying for media attention.

It's a cheap shot.

Sounds to me like nothing but a pack of flea bit rodents with a bad case of sour grapes and butt mange.
That bunch is just trying to impress you folks in Texas.

Don't believe a word of it.

Here in western Pennsylvania Phil is a demi-god.
What he says goes.

Happy Groundhog's Day!

Anonymous said...

Steve Harper you should seriously consider writing full time your life's unusual observations! I mean seriously, I love your serious take on things and of course your motivational stuff but your humerous side absolutely leaves me in stitches!

Keep us laughing and as you always like to say....

Ripple On!!!

Crystal