Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Liberation of Reconnection

People have always said there are events that occur that become so deeply rooted within us that they are forever planted inside of our heart and mind. The way something happens, the feelings that one experiences, the lighting, the smells, the energy all encapsulate to form a very real and present picture. That picture is something we will call upon well beyond the actual event itself. This becomes our memory and these memories can be either good or bad.

One's ability to have more and more of these "real moments" is their ability to be present in the "now." The “now” is how prepared and willing you are to accept events as they unfold and to experience them fully. By fully I mean without ego, prejudice, fear, doubt or skepticism. Experiencing “it” without using the positive and negative of your past or the fear and anxiety that we often attach to the future.

I have found myself doing a lot of reading as of late about being more in the now. Because I am forcing myself to become more aware, I am finding that certain events that would otherwise would not be as impactful are now awakening me to an entire new perspective on life. It is truly surreal and very exciting.

One of these moments occurred this past week. I found myself sitting across the table from my brother Rick whom I haven't spoken to or really seen in nearly 15 years. It seems ironic that having written a book about the power of relationships I would be admitting to having a fractured relationship with my brother. Never-the-less, I think a small part of me wrote that book out of the hope that I could one day use my very own knowledge and philosophies of life to one day repair (at least from my end) the relationship.

I found myself connecting with a man I have barely known since I was nary a teenager. The issues that broke us apart are irrelevant now and after spending several hours with him, leave me feeling foolish that we have both allowed so much time to pass. So much has happened that we could have both enjoyed in one another but alas, circumstances were what circumstances were.

It was amazing to sit down to dinner with the brother I always admired and worshipped as a young boy. To discover our similar strategies to work, our philosophies in life and our passion for growing and expanding as individuals! The entire evening was unbelievable powerful and I believe healing to us both.

The words have long since left our lips and the warmth of the brotherly embrace has now cooled but the moments of that evening keep turning over and over in my mind. With all that I have had going on this past year, I would have to say that it truly one of the most powerful things to happen to me without a doubt.

Whatever caused the strife in our relationship seemed to disappear like a lone cloud hanging in the sky on a spring day. It was there and then it wasn't.

We all have people that we have hurt or done something to that we would like to fix if we could. What stops us? Fear? Rejection? The need to be right and justified in our own thinking?

Regardless of what it is, set pride aside for a minute and pick up that phone, drop by that office or sit down and write that letter. Nothing is more cleansing to your mind, body and spirit than letting go of the anger and frustration. I didn't used to believe that the negativity could control me, but it did. It has for 15 years and now I feel like truly liberated by this reconnection. Talk about the creation of a ripple!

The past is irrelevant and the only thing that matters is the here and now. Take the time to fix something that needs fixing and the world of opportunities open up to you. For me, I have my brother back which is one of the greatest gifts I believe I could ever receive.

Have a super successful week and as always.....

Ripple On!!!

Steve Harper


Asha said...

Our past is just a trail that we have left behind. It can not have power to effect our "today" unless we let it. It is absolutely refreshing to clear up old wounds and face what may be holding us back as we strive to live our life to the fullest. I have had similar expereiences that you described in the last couple of months. And I am so grateful for the ability to rekindle some old relationships and knowing when to let go of others. It is wonderful that you have been reconnected with family! What a blessing! Thanks for sharing this! Till next time...

Thom Singer said...


I think that is wonderful that you and your brother have reconnected and can start fresh. Families can be a pain in the ***, but they also are so deeply a part of who we are. I have three much-older brothers, whom I admire and respect, ....but am never as close as I desire. Yet we share some amazing family ties that I will never have with anyone else.

Keep your ripples going with your brother!!!

Kathy Harper said...

I'm so very happy for you. I know how much it means to have that reconnection with your brother!!!It was lovely to be able to share that with you. I love you and am so proud of you.

Fazlur "Prince" Rahman, Jr. MSOLE said...

Thank you, Steve, for having the courage to share this experience with us. It’s very easy to always stay in the realm of the workplace, our professional lives, when discussing the issues surrounding relationships. As Thom has pointed out, family can be a royal pain in the posterior. But, let’s face it, the family environment (no matter what type of situation it was) is the first place we learn about relationships and communication behavior of any kind… and for better or worse, for many of us, that gets translated into workplace behavior – unless we are fortunate enough to have somehow learned differently along the way. Asha makes the point that the past is a trail we have left behind. I do wonder, from time to time, if it is at times a trail that tries to follow us. Well, to keep it in it’s place, it’s in our interest to do as you and your brother did: sit down and have a dialogue.

Charmaine said...

You have made me realise that I need to get back in touch with the two sisters I left behind when I moved to another part of the country. Somehow, because I was so busy after the move with the new house, job, area etc I lost contact with them and I feel sad for that. So today, after reading your blog I have determined to make that reconnection and want to say thank you for making me realise how important it is to keep that contact alive, no matter how distant the miles between you.

Steve Harper said...

Thank you all for posting such great comments! It is always great to know that something you have said makes a difference for others.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.