Top Ten Things I HATE About Networking

I am so tired of going to business or networking functions and seeing people do these same old tired things. So I came up with my top ten list of things I HATE (dislike immensely) about Networking. These are meant to be semi-serious and not too offensive. For the more "adult" version of this list, come see me after I attend one of these events and I am enjoying a cold beverage to sooth my pain!

1. Talking to someone at 5PM who hasn't touched a tooth brush or breath mint all day! You know, Walgreen’s is open all day, all night and has many varieties of breath mints, tooth brushes and tooth pastes for your choosing. Buy one for the car, buy one for the office!

2. Hearing the same old tired line, "So Steve, what do you do." I am an undercover agent for the CIA. I have someone I was hired to kill but given you just used that same stupid line to make small talk, I think I have just acquired a new target!

3. Talking to someone that really isn't at all interested in hearing what you have to say but more interested in seeing if you are a FIT for their product or service. You know the girl that can't wait for your lips to stop moving to say something like, "Fascinating! You know my company does....." Talk to the hand sister!

4. Meeting someone for the first time who pretends as if we are old friends. Enough said.

5. Talking to someone who is a CLOSE TALKER. See SEINFIELD if you need more of a visual than that. Ironically, these are the people who need to refer to #1 and never ever do!

6. Meeting someone who as they walk up are already REACHING into their pocket to fish out their business card. As if their card is going to make our Introduction that much sweeter! Oh I see by the card (you just jammed in my face) that you work for Toilets International. My, I have been looking for you all of my life!

7. I hate networking in a room full of professional networkers. These people work the room like they actually get bonus points for the amount of flesh they can press.

8. Meeting someone who clearly has no understanding of why they are they are there or what to expect out of meeting another living, breathing person. Usually they say something like, "Yeah, my boss is making me come to this event. Do you have a card?" No I don't have a card you spineless moron! Sorry fresh out!

9. I absolutely can't stand going to an event where people stand up and have their quippy little sayings about what they do. "Hello, I am Suzie and I work for GBC Payroll. We take the pain out of rolling out your pay!" SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME A BARF BAG!!! Yes...you are memorable alright, memorable as finger nails on a chalk board.

10. The thing I absolutely hate the most about NETWORKING......Being forced to be polite to someone who clearly has no clue, has had too much to drink and now apparently likes me and ends of stalking me all night long. Every time you turn around....there they are again! Please, someone tell me when it's legal to actually pull out a stun gun and use it!!!!

Steve Harper is the author of:
The Ripple Effect: Maximizing the Power of Relationships for Life and Business
www.therippleeffectbook.com