Monday, October 25, 2010

Strategies For Dealing With Sucky People

Disclaimer:  If you are offended by the word "suck" or if you are reading this in a place of employment where the words suck, sucky, suckiness may get you into trouble please don't continue. If you think you may be a sucky person, which is highly unlikely since you read my BLOG, and you may become offended by realizing you are a sucky person please don't continue reading. If you dislike sucky people as much as I do then proceed with caution.

I am about to say something that will most certainly shock you. Especially coming from me.

Some people suck.

Let's face it from time to time we all get stuck dealing with sucky people.

It sucks...I know I've been there. Man have I been there!

Whether its being put on a committee with someone you don't like to the assistant know-it all blow hard dipsh*t assistant soccer coach that yells at your kid but never at his own, less than pleasant people are a reality in this world. Yeah I sucks.

So what can you do about sucky people? Here's a few suggestions.

1. Be around them as little as possible.  If the sucky assistant soccer coach who doesn't know his ass from a goal post is annoying you at soccer practice then don't expose yourself to it.  Let your kid do it for you - after all it's his practice isn't?  No seriously, it might be time for you to go walk the park or stay in your car with the radio turned up really loud so as to not hear him yell at anyone.  Do what you can to not subject yourself to his insanely idiotic and ill-informed approach to coaching soccer (Manchester United does not play in the MLS you idiot!).

2. Remove your chair.  Do you have that bitchy whiney co-worker who loves to talk smack about everyone in the office and conveniently plops their big butt down in that comfy office chair across from your desk so they can hold court.  Well bitchy whiney people are basically lazy (refer back to big butt) and if you make them stand instead of sit you will be surprised at how little time they'll spend in your office.  They equate standing and bitching to too much exercise. Remove the chair remove the headache and said butt of headache.

3. Delegate to relegate.  Got stuck on that non-profit fundraising committee with that know it all, "has all the connections", "can make stuff happen" guy or gal?  Totally blows I know!  Sort of sucks the excitement you had for the fundraiser right out of ya doesn't it?  Well before know it all, got it all covered gal speaks up take the first step and publicly praise and assign the annoying loudmouth all the difficult tasks.  "I know we have to have the Governor's special envoy involved in this and I can think of no one more qualified to make that happen than the talented and most amazing (insert name) to get it done!" Cut to the crowd cheering and clapping because they will while they secretly laugh with you!  By assigning the know it all the hardest and most difficult task and setting the bar so publicly high I bet you relegate them to the abyss (unfortunately it's not literal eh?) so the real sleeves can be rolled up while they chase down their ego and their objective (God help the Governor).

4. Absence makes a heart grow healthier.  Here's the thing if being around a really sucky person sucks you into a life of misery then don't do it. I'm serious!  Keep yourself away from said sucky person so that your blood pressure and your mental sanity and that urge to bring in your old Louisville Slugger each day stays in check.  Conveniently remove yourself from the air space surrounding planet sucky when they come into to dock and watch as your stress and anxiety level decrease and how you suddenly become happier.  Look you're not a dog chained to the electric dog cage waiting to be shocked (and if when I said that you actually thought that would be a pleasant change of pace from your current job then man your life sucks way more than I thought!) have choices and you should choose to not be around the sucky people who make you miserable.  Does that mean quitting that sucky boss?  Perhaps.  Does that mean dumping your sucky boyfriend?  Absolutely.  Does that mean not going home for Thanksgiving to see your annoying siblings?  They serve Turkey lots of other places ya know!   Remove the situations in your life that allow you and sucky people to even cross paths and their absence in your life will never be noticed I can assure you.

5. Buy a good set ear prophylactics.  If you work in an office with sucky people their suckness disease can only infect you through your ears.  No seriously I commissioned a joint study on this along with the Center for Disease Control so I know what I am talking about.  Yes I do it all for YOU!  Take steps to protect yourself and stop the spread of suckiness by  acting responsibly and protecting yourself.  Those countless hours of whining, bitching, complaining, bickering and arguing can be a thing of the past if you set yourself up with a nice set of noise canceling headphones.  The tranquility combined with the protection from the spread of suckiness from your fellow co-workers will leave you feeling energized and refreshed and able to take on your day without fear (who needs the 5 Hour Energy drink).  My Bose noise canceling headphones are like Kryptonite to the annoying sucky people.  They walk in to talk to me and I pretend not to notice them, their suckiness disease is thwarted and I feel like Batman after whipping the living crap out of the Joker as they leave to infect someone else for a change.

I realize that sucky people do exist and sometimes you've just got to take steps to remove them from your life.  I know it doesn't sound very Ripply of me but it's true.  Remove them and you just make more room for the really good people you need to have surrounding you.

That's my take.  What's yours?

Ripple On!!!


Sammantha J said...

My take is you are a funny man Steve Harper. I really like your suggestions and even amidst the humor your points are valid and work.

Thanks for brightening my day and making me laugh. My sucky co-worker wanted to know why I was laughing but I shoved the chair out of my office and put on my headphones. ;)

Keith said...

Great post Steve. Mind if I share it with our readers on our site?