Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Dont' Get Caught In The New Year Muck Suck

IMG_3873Image by joelogon via Flickr

If you watch any amount of television this time of year you will undoubtedly see an abundance of weight loss commercials, advertisements for home gyms and let's not forget those motivational or self-improvement seminars that can forever change your life in just 20 minutes a day. You see it's because a new year is upon us and the marketing geniuses smell blood in the water and they're circling like the marketing sharks that they are. They know us gullible consumers magically become powerless and mystically open to their product pitches and special, act right now offers! After all it's a new year right? why wouldn't you want to have a whole new you to go along with it!

I've fallen for it before. My Total Gym, my Norditrack Ski thingamjiggy, my re-done/recycled/repurposed newly expanded version of this year's self-help guru's CD program are all sitting where most useless things end up - in that dark corner of the closet or in my case, garage. They sarcastically laugh at us as their sheer presence stand as a reminder of the impulsive failures we are.

The new year marketing ass clowns love to tell us why THIS year is the year to do things differently. This year is the year to get that brand new body (as if I could ever look like the Bowflex guy - I have a life, a job and can't possibly live in a gym 24/7). This is the year to reach for your dreams and unlock The Secret of seeing our magical intentions materialize before our very eyes (ummm yeah just thinking it doesn't make it so my friends).

It's all bullcrap. We are being sold a line of horse hockey and told the puck is a Peppermint Patty and guess what's it's not. It still tastes like...well you know.

I say no more. Forget the new year's Muck. Don't get sucked in with dreams of exotic travels, big houses and seamless riches. Don't get sucked into abs or buns of steel. Don't get sucked into buying into a program that won't make anyone but the self-help guru who sold it to you rich. Just don't do it.

M - motivational
U - useless
C - commericalized
K - Krap! (okay so muck doesn't end in a 'c' - don't shoot the BLOGGER)

If you want this year to be different than last year.....the last thing you need to depend on is some infomercial to help you find the product, service or motivation to make it so. Don't look into their eyes, don't fall for their snappy upbeat happy commercials. It's MUCK SUCK my friend!

If you want to lose a few pounds...well get off your ass and quite watching these brain sapping unrealistic pipe dreams and get out and walk a few miles.

If you want to become a real estate investment expert go take a class or discover the greatest resource known to man --- the library. Actually go learn how to do it. No tape program required.

If you want to find that special soul mate, don't wait for the perfect online profile to pop up - get out there where people like you hang out and start talking to people. He or she might just pop up right before your very eyes live and in person.

If you want to take control of your career this year spend your time making yourself so fricken invaluable to your company that when and if layoffs occur your boss wouldn't even consider cutting. Hmmm that means working harder, bitching less and being invaluable....sort of a novel concept eh?

Whatever IT is for you this year I am pretty Gosh Darn Certain that you won't find it on television or in one of those colorful print ads. That crap is Muck Suck and the easy way to avoid it is to simply avoid it.

Of course that's just my Treadmill arrived in my office a few days before Christmas and I plan to have an ass you could bounce a quarter off of in 4-6 weeks. The ad it must be so.

Ripple On!!!
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1 comment:

Carlon Haas said...

Buy that MUCK, or you'll be LIVIN' IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!