Don't Be A User Abuser Loser
The call came from a girl that I had tried to help a number of times over the past several years. She had apparently been perusing my LinkedIn profile and examining my contacts (which I hate by the way) when she dropped me an email. It went something like this:
I have requested to be connected via LinkedIn and you haven't accepted my invitation. I don't know what's up with that but you have three people in your network that I want to meet. I need your help to bridge a connection with these people. I find myself looking for a job again.
As you can imagine, there was a specific reason I hadn't previously accepted her invitation to allow her to link up with me. Despite declining her requests several times over the past year and half with reasons mind you each time she made a request, she still appeared to not get it. Her email went into how much she needed help and that these three people either directly or indirectly would play a role in helping her out of her financial and employment situation.
She ended her email with a desperation plea that indicated that despite taking her last six months off (compliments of our state's gracious unemployment) she was now in high gear mode to land a job and somehow her issue seemingly should become mine.
I mentioned before that I had tried in vain to help this woman previously. I in fact played a direct role in her getting two of her jobs in the past three years. Both times she was a good fit based on skill vs. need but she fell victim to layoffs that were out of her control. The third job she landed on her own after using me as a "very good reference." I wouldn't classify myself as a very good reference for her specifically and as much said so when the interviewer/reference checker called me. They hired her anyway.
My point is this woman only reaches out when she is in trouble. When she is in need she is all of a sudden interested in what I have going on and attempts to play the role of friend. But eventually she becomes a friend...a friend in need. Here's the thing....we aren't friends. We might have been had she not simply used and abused me but alas she has, and we aren't.
One of my deficiencies is that I have a tendency to want to help people; all people. However I stand as proof that despite your best efforts helping some people it isn't always a smart or prudent thing to do. The first time this young woman landed an opportunity because of me and didn't acknowledge my efforts in helping her, I should have known she was a user. The second time she called and need my help desperately she became an abuser. The third and fourth time she reached out she became....you guessed it!
People that use a relationship or connection to achieve something that they want here and now with no reciprocation or acknowledged appreciation tend to fall into the U.A.L. category. Think about the people in your "network" who might fall into this category. How many of them only call you when they need something or need you to do something specific for them. My advice is to cut them loose. The fact of the matter is if they will do this to you, they will likely do this to the people you hook them up with or the jobs they land because of you. And at the end of the day, it's your reputation that they are squashing more so than their own and that ultimately is a bell you can't un-ring.
It may just be me but I suspect there is a reason that User, Abuser and Loser all rhyme. Figure out early who qualifies for this exclusive club and cut ties with them immediately.
Lesson learned.
Ripple On!!!
Steve
