Upfront Connecting

If you've heard me say it once you've heard me say it a thousand times.... People come into your life for a very specific reason. It's your job to figure out why.

It is my strong belief that people don't necessarily know how to guide, direct and cultivate a new connection that has come into their life; much less build a real relationship with that person.

That's okay. I didn't either.

The fact of the matter is. Honesty works. People respect you when you tell them what's on your mind. The appreciate you sharing what you hope to accomplish and gain by knowing them and having them in your life. The frankness of your desired wish to build something (friendship, business relationship, knowledge, etc.) is something that I believe most people would appreciate hearing from you. Heck the honesty is such a welcomed change from what they probably normally encounter they will welcome the openness of your gesture.

Here's the scenario. I met Kevin a brilliant lawyer and a budding author. He and I met for coffee after it was suggested we might have a lot in common personally and professionally by a mutual friend. So we met for coffee and instantly hit it off. In fact we found so many areas of compatibility that our initial hour coffee meeting lasted much longer.

There was no doubt I could use Kevin to further my business. There was no doubt he saw great potential in what I offered to enhance his new venture. We were compatible in a number of ways and to say the business energy between us was excitedly explosive would be an understatement.

I've been down this road a number of times. The initial meeting goes gangbusters. We both walk away jazzed and committed to take some adventurous next action. Then it happens....we both get back to our office. There are voice mails waiting for us. The email has filled up again. People are needing our attention on this or that. Suddenly the excitement and motivation to get to that next step with Kevin looks impossible. It becomes easy to put off that next action until next month.

But next month turns into next quarter. Next quarter turns into next year. You get the picture right?

Building a relationship of any kind takes time, energy, commitment and the right kind of priority. We've all likely experienced a relationship that had all the potential in the world but it somehow died on the vine. Don't let it happen.

If you are upfront with the people you connect with and you sense that they are someone you should and need to explore building a relationship with then DO IT! Make the time to keep connecting. Prioritize fitting them into your schedule regularly. Each interaction, each meeting is an opportunity to further cultivate the seeds of the potential relationship.

Share with them why you are excited to explore why they have come into your life. Tell them why you want to stay connected and why you want to make building a relationship with them a priority. Your upfront honesty and commitment to getting to know them both as a person and as a professional will undoubtedly surprise and impress them.

People come into our life for a very specific reason. It's your job to find out why. We never reach the why without making the necessary effort. Part of the effort comes from within and part comes from being upfront and sincere with the people you meet.

I was able to be honest and upfront with Kevin and because I was we have both been able to prioritize the time we needed to invest in exploring exactly why we've entered each other's life. There is no doubt we will do a lot of business together at some point in the future but right now we're discovering how great of friends we are destined to be first. Something our mutual friend sensed from the beginning.

Routine Connection

I suspect we all go through our own series of routines each day. For example, I can't bare to not brush my teeth first thing in the morning when I get up. I can't stand morning breath either my own or anyone else's so that's a routine I haven't broken since first grade. I also have developed a habit of not hanging out in my bed clothes (though I am not a p.j. kind of guy - we'll just leave it at that). Once I'm up I'm up and I tend to like getting a quick shower and dressed so that I can get on with my day.

Every day I generally do the same old routine. Rarely will I vary my routines or miss one outright. It just wouldn't feel right. Like drinking coffee every morning. I do it not because I like the taste of coffee but because it has become part of my routine. I sip my morning coffee and scan the Wall Street Journal and collect my thoughts for the day and have done so for as long as I can remember.

I guess my point in all of this is we all do certain things every single day. Our routines become a part of who we are. Following through with them is like keeping score with ourselves; it makes us feel better to do them so most of us do them without even thinking.

So let me put something out there for you to chew on.

If you are a regular reader of this BLOG you likely know how important I feel it is for you to build your personal and professional connections. You also know that I say building your connections, developing your relationships and just being a better friend is something I suggest you have to work on every single day. Hmmm see a theme starting to develop here?

What if you were to incorporate the simple act of reaching out to connect with someone into your daily routine? I mean you are already doing certain things every day anyway, why not add connecting to the list?

What if you were to take one person a day and reach out to them via a phone call, email or have a coffee meeting? Go through your list of contacts and I guarantee there are dozens of people you need to reach out to and would be thrilled to hear from you. Once you've exhausted those folks, start looking at all the friends or connections you have made online via Twitter or Facebook and start reaching out to those and building your relationship with them.

Connect with at least one person per day to "just check in and see how THEY are doing" and watch as this routine not only becomes fun but enhances your connections and builds more solid relationships. I suspect that after only a few short weeks the routine of reaching out to connect once a day will become as natural as brushing your teeth.